~Our new (cold) home~

   When we arrived at our new home in Illinois, the boys excitedly ran around the yard to explore, while I took Ashlyn inside the house. Richard and the boys unpacked the mini-van, and then we all waited for Richard's mom & dad to arrive with their van and our U-haul.
   Once they arrived, Richard, Paul (his dad), and Darren (his youngest brother) began unloading the U-haul truck, while Lynette (Richard's mom) helped unpack items in the house.  Being mid-January, it quickly grew dark before even half of the truck was unloaded, so plans were made to finish unloading the next morning.
   Richard had set up our bed and one of the boys' beds (?), but his parents and brother found a motel since our house was so chaotic and full of boxes (note the truck wasn't even completely unpacked. lol!).
  I noticed that I was not feeling the best, but kept pushing nagging symptoms out of my mind. Surely I was simply tired from our move and caring for a newborn. Perhaps I was imagining things. I went to bed early, hoping sleep would help me feel better. For awhile, I listened to the wind grow stronger outside, making the windows vibrate. Several times in the night I awoke, thinking, "where am I?"   :)
   Strong, cold winds blew all through the night and into the next day. Paul, Lynette, and Darren returned to our house to help unpack the U-haul, with snowflakes dancing on their heads :)  :) . There wasn't much snow accumulation, if I remember correctly. The hardest part was the cold, cold wind.
  The men worked diligently to unload the U-haul, and I took several breaks from unpacking boxes with Lynette.  I was continuing to not feel so good, and feared a breast infection.
 Richard soon came inside the house winded, and with a red bump on his forehead. He had slipped off the U-haul truck's ramp, hitting his head on the truck! We were all relieved when, after several moments of rest, he was able to get up and unload the truck again!
  I felt terrible leaving my mother-in-law with the unpacking of boxes, but finally told her I was not well and needed to stay in bed. She ended up unpacking my entire kitchen! What a blessing to a very discouraged young mom!~   :)
     By the time Paul, Lynette & Darren left for their home in Missouri, I was half-way back to normal after having visited a doctor. We couldn't have made the move to Illinois without Paul, Lynette & Darren's help, and were SO very grateful!

  We had been within a fast moving whirlwind during Ashlyn's birth, Richard's new job acceptance, and our move out-of-state.  Richard's family had now left, and we felt as if our whirlwind had come to a pit stop, spitting us onto an isolated, freezing tundra. 
   In the quiet of our home, Richard & I looked at each other and asked, "What Now?!"
   God was silent.... and all we heard was the howling wind outside~    :)  :)
Richard soon left for his daytime job (yay!), while I wondered how I would handle going anywhere with three children ages 5 and under, without help.... let alone knowing directions anywhere--?
  For the time being, I would stay inside and just "be".   :)

~Our Move~

Richard & I went house hunting in the St Louis area when Ashlyn was just 3 weeks old- yes, we took her with us. :)  I remember wondering how she'd do in a hotel room since she was colicky.
     We soon decided that one could get more house for money on the Illinois side of the St Louis Metro area, and spent three or four days searching for a house. While walking through houses or meeting with realtors and bankers, Ashlyn occasionally decided to be grumpy!   :)  Sometimes I'd take her out to the vehicle and wait for Richard to finish our business dealings.
Our last day of house hunting came, and we still were not totally satisfied with our choices. We were also growing weary of the house hunt, dragging an infant around in the cold and rain (it was January).
Our realtor informed us of a new listing on the market, and asked if we'd like to see it. Sure- why not?!
We walked through the house twice, coming back later to walk through it again. There were many things we liked about the house, one being there was a big yard for the children to play. Richard & I made our final decision over dinner at St Louis Bread Company, concluding that if the owners were willing to move out in two weeks (the official date of our move), it would be the confirmation we needed from God to even proceed with the move at all [remember my previous post in our desiring God to show us for SURE we were supposed to move].
   We nervously waited to hear back from the sellers, well aware we would be heading back to Springfield, Missouri in the morning. Our time of house searching was coming to an end.
  Imagine our relief when the realtor informed us that the sellers had already moved into a different house, and would  gladly move their belongings out before the two week deadline.
 All the minute details of both selling our home in Republic, Missouri and purchasing a home in Illinois fell perfectly into place. Richard & I sensed an unusual peace that our move was meant to be and that God had everything under control.   :)
  We were all very sad and sentimental about the upcoming move, since we'd be moving away from family. Even with God's confirmations to both me and Richard, I still wondered how on earth I was going to handle three young children (one with colick) without the support of family, and WHY God thought I could handle this move?! I wasn't nearly as strong as He thought I was!!!
  This move to SW Illinois would place us right in-between our families, with my family living in Northern Indiana, so some good was coming of the move. We would no longer have to drive 10 hours to see my side of the family. :)

 The photo above was taken at our farewell party at Matt & Stephanie's house [Richard's brother] the night before leaving as a family for Illinois. All our belongings had been packed into a large U-haul and mini-van(s). After the party, we would spend the night with Matt & Stephanie, and then leave first thing in the morning, January 21st.
Caleb was 5, Antonin was 3, and Ashlyn was 6 weeks old.  :)
  The morning came early. We said our last goodbye's to Matt & Stephanie's family, and headed over to our  Republic, Missouri home for the last time. Once there, we discovered that the U-haul truck would not start!  Our friendly, mechanical neighbor jump-started the truck, joking, "Everyone will kill me when I tell them I helped you leave the neighborhood!"  
  Richard's dad drove the U-haul, Richard & I rode together in our mini-van (piled high with stuff), and Richard's mom drove their mini-van- full of more stuff.  :)
 As Richard pulled out of  neighborhood, I wrestled with mixed emotions. It was a very cold morning, so the windows steamed up, making it more difficult taking in our "one last glimpse" of everything.
 What an odd feeling traveling to a place we were totally unfamiliar with, not knowing what life would be like in our new home in Illinois. We marveled again at how well everything had fallen into place, and how we anticipated the future (actually, Richard was encouraging me- lol!!).   :)  :)
  What would life be like... and did God really know what He was doing?

~Joy within the unknown~

    Approximately six weeks after our trip to St Louis, Richard received a call for an interview. The "slight chance" of being selected for an interview, meant we were another step closer to moving four hours away from where we had originally planned to settle. I didn't know what to think.  I wanted to be happy for Richard, since he had waited so long for a change in his career; a change in his night shift!
I also discovered that the start date (if Richard got the job) would be right around the time of our baby's birth. How was I to manage a newborn, three year old, and five year old without the support of nearby family?  I struggled with question after question. Since Richard's interview went well, I was just a teensy-bit uneasy.   :)  :)

     I finally came to the end of myself. I asked God if the St Louis postal job was His plan for Richard's life ... would He please show us beyond a doubt that His hand was in it?

We had special prayer together as a couple, asking God to show us both the answer~ in a clear, undeniable way.

   My pregnancy went well until the week before my due date. I began having issues with  blood pressure, and was kept over night in the hospital to be monitored. I was sent home on complete bed rest. Bed rest?! ha! I wasn't sure I could do such a thing.

    Both family, and friends from church helped out so much! The boys played with their cousins, and were well taken care of by family. When family or friends from church would bring dinner, sometimes they would linger to visit with me. 

     December 9th, I planned to voice to Richard that I wasn't feeling very well ... when the phone rang and he answered it, disappearing down the hallway for a few minutes. He stuck his head back into the living room to mouth, "I GOT THE JOB!!" ~  my blood pressure immediately climbed higher and I felt worse. 

I was very pregnant, swollen, and flushed. I could not move from my position in the recliner (need I say more?)... and my husband was joyfully celebrating a new job. A job that would require an out of state move in six weeks.  

     Richard understood my fears and frustrations and told me that he would take care of everything. lol! :)
Little did we know we'd have a baby the very next day.

     Bright and early December 10th, we took the boys to their grandparents house, anticipating a regular Dr check-up. My Doctor told me I was not going back home. My blood pressure was through the roof, and I had significant protein. While I was thrilled that my bed rest would be over and we'd finally meet our baby ... I also doubted we could move in 6 weeks after having a c-section!!!
     It was a girl!!!  What a special time it was, welcoming our new baby girl into the family!
What sweet memories! The boys loved their little sister, eagerly taking turns holding her.

Ashlyn Jeanae [named after both grandmothers] was not a pleasant-natured baby, however, and would scream at the top of her lungs until she was back in her mother's arms.   :)  :)  Ashlyn wouldn't allow anyone (but mom) to hold her without crying or screaming, and at first I thought it was kind of cute. :) After awhile, I began to fear that something was wrong with my newborn daughter. Her screaming changed from others holding her, to other unpredictable times.
At Ashlyn's 3 week check-up, the Doctor calmly stated, "No, I don't think anything's wrong with her; I think it's her disposition."
   Years later, I look back in time and laugh-out-loud!! At the time, however, I felt as if I had been given a prison term.  How were we to move out-of-state in only a few more weeks, plus deal with a colicky newborn?!  Since Richard still worked nights, I was the only one dealing with Ashlyn's night-time screaming. No fair!!  :)  haha!
     In the midst of our little family's adjustments, we put our Republic, Missouri house up for sale, and were surprised when it sold in ten days!!! My mom and dad from Indiana had come to help us pack and get the house ready to sell. I SO appreciated their help!!

     ~I was caught within a spinning, tossing whirlwind  .... yet enveloped within a peace that calmed all fears~

~Learning, Growing~

   ~Even though I was thrilled to be part of a church, with plenty of opportunities to love and serve others, a part of me held back from becoming completely involved. I felt I was re-learning everything~.  As a couple, we slowly, carefully, read the Bible as if for the first time. Getting rid of religious legalism was a lengthy process. God was the only One who fully understood our journey. I longed to share with another person who would understand. Richard's family provided that outlet, and it was refreshing to share with one another, knowing we were equally understood.
     I was soon baptized at church, ashamed it hadn't taken place earlier in life. Since I had been a legalistic Christian, baptism had been something I feared. I had wondered as a child (and young adult) if I was "good enough", always coming to the conclusion that I was lacking. What if I were baptized, then realized my heart hadn't been right with Him-- and I made Him angry?
What I had failed to understand, was that baptism is simply a testimony of your acceptance of Christ as Savior; symbolically dying and Resurrecting with Him; testifying that you'll live for Him the rest of your life through His strength. There was nothing to fear!  :)  [note: when I was 12, I backed out of being baptized with my sister and several friends. Everyone later forgot, and thought I had been baptized with the group of girls].

           Remember our beloved home in Rogersville, Missouri? Caleb was 3, and Antonin was 14 months old when we decided to move closer to Richard's family- leaving our little Rogersville house behind. We made the move thinking we would live southwest of Springfield, Missouri, for a very long time. Perhaps until the kids were teenagers! We enjoyed being close to family, and Republic, Missouri was a nice little town to live.
     Richard continued his online school, along with working his evening/night post office position.
  Caleb, Antonin & I looked forward to waking Richard mid-day. The waking event remained the highlight of the day. At my cue, the boys would run into the bedroom to jump on daddy. They would have many exciting boyish things to share, and Richard would patiently listen (wishing he hadn't been so rudely awakened).  :)
     Partly to help keep the boys quiet while Richard slept, I taught Caleb & Antonin school at home in the mornings. We had some awesome times together!!  Seeing how the boys were only 4 1/2 & 2 1/2 at the time, I should have just played with them outside- all day!!   LOL!!  New home school moms live and learn. :)

         When I discovered I was expecting a baby, I cried. I had been experiencing some new health issues (diagnosed with Hashimoto thyroiditis), and was concerned about the pregnancy-especially with problems immediately after discovering the pregnancy. My worries were relieved, however, after an ultrasound showed a healthy 6 week-gestation baby. God had blessed us with a new little life-- it was the cutest looking "peanut" I'd ever seen.   :)  : )
     During my pregnancy, Richard began looking more closely at Accounting positions within the Postal Service to boost his resume (and not have to work nights!!). He would  finish his Accounting degree in another 2-3 years. The nearest postal transfer would be the city of St. Louis. I knew chances were slim that Richard would be chosen if he applied, so I didn't think much about it. I quietly listened to him, hoping he wouldn't be too disappointed when he wasn't selected.
When I was six months pregnant, we left the boys with family and drove 4 hours to St Louis. Richard took a Postal Accounting exam to qualify for a job opening, while I savored a little peace and quiet at the hotel room. We enjoyed visiting St Louis, but I continued to doubt anything would come of the trip.  :)

[to be continued...]

~Wrestling, Waiting~

   ~Life continued on~
 Our " new normal" meant Richard attended a local college part-time during the day, and worked at the post office at night. I grew used to our schedule, and kept very busy at home with our sweet little boys!
We traded off babysitting with Richard's siblings once a month, and discovered that dates were wonderful!! Every married couple with children needs dates!!!!   :)
   ~After one year of college, Richard began CLEP-ing out of general college courses, then eventually heard about an online school (Excelsior college). Even with attending college the cyber non-traditional way, we could see that his schooling was going to be a very long road. Many times Richard grew discouraged that the light at the end of the tunnel was so far away, so far out of his reach.
 ~When Antonin was 4 months old, Richard & I left the church group he had grown up in. After visiting several churches in the area, we found that church hunting was not an easy task. Antonin was a clingy baby and would cry and scream every time I left him in the church's nurseries. I was constantly paged to the nursery, and grew tired of accompanying Richard -since I couldn't enjoy the services anyway! I often stayed at home with Antonin, while Richard & Caleb checked out churches. Once we settled on one place to attend, I joined in with Antonin, hoping he'd eventually grow used to being in the nursery.

Through our entire year of church searching, we discovered that not one church is perfect, and that one chooses the most Biblical place where their souls will be fed and ministered to. As a relational female, I didn't enjoy church hunting at all.. I'd try and get to know people, only for my husband to decide we were moving on ... and I didn't like that!  lol! I often thought to myself that searching for churches causes a person to long more for Heaven- the only perfect place!!  :)
~ During the time of church searching, I attended a MOPS group ("Moms of Preschoolers"). I was immensely blessed to be able to set aside church searches and spend time with other ladies. I could talk with them about my children's latest development or latest parenting issues, without church topics ever arising. I felt SO refreshed!!!    :)   :)  :)
~After attending an Evangelical Free church for awhile, Richard made the decision that our family would continue to attend regularly. With this decision came relief that I could begin volunteering my time or signing up for various events. Richard & I hosted a 6-8 week Bible study in our home, and volunteered to help on the nursery rotation. How wonderful to be needed again and serve others!!   :) I felt like a FREE bird!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   :) : )  : )

~By the way, our family relationships remained intact; Richard's family eventually changed churches too.

~An uncomfortable stirring ~

     When Caleb was about 15 months old, Richard dropped some bomb shells on me!  Folks talk about men going through mid-life crisis' at age 40, but I think he's already gone through it (unless there are two per lifetime- heehee).   :)
     Richard voiced that he longed to attend college and pursue a degree in Accounting, realizing he should have done so many years before. I knew in my heart that even though this "mountain" appeared nearly impossible to climb, he needed to feel fulfilled in his career (aka school at that point). I felt almost numb when Richard informed me that it would likely take 6-8 years to reach his goal, with working full time. The picture perfect idea of my husband eventually becoming Postmaster at a small post office [his original "day job" plan] splintered before my eyes. I needed to re-program my mind and prepare myself for some major up-hill climbing.
    The thought entered my mind that since life was going to be tough for years upon years.... perhaps we shouldn't have anymore children.
    Not long after, I discovered we were going to have our second child in August- exactly two years after Caleb's birth. I had previously stated I would never again have a summer-time baby, so this taught me to not make "I'll never" statements. I also learned that God has a sense of humor!   :)

     Not only had Richard become dissatisfied with his job, he began questioning the teachings of his church group. He studied and researched several Scripture passages, asserting that we should be living more fully in Christ, not so concerned with unspoken or spoken man-made rules. From the book of Galatians in the Bible, he studied how we are God's children by God's grace & power alone, not by any human effort. Experiencing freedom in Christ meant to actively trust and rely on the Holy Spirit moment by moment. "Fulfilling the law" simply meant loving and serving others with Christ's love.
     Richard's heart desire was to find a church similar to the early church mentioned in the book of Acts, in which to raise our family! :)  I wondered if such a concept was too good to be true; I didn't know what to think. I recognized that Richard studied, researched & spoke truthfully, but I dragged my feet with the idea of changing churches. Richard's dad was pastor- I didn't want to rock the boat! :)  Plus, I was finally getting to know some of the people at church better, and couldn't stand the thought of starting all over with new friends-- again!!
     God was stirring both our hearts, and His truth was uncomfortable. 

   Our second son- Antonin Richard- came into the world 12:14 pm (just in time for lunch) on August 25th, 2001. What a sweet baby-- with dark hair and chestnut-brown eyes!!  :)

    We now had one blue eyed, and one brown eyed boy. My little boys were as opposite as they could be, but full of joy. They were my life, and kept me moving when I didn't feel like it. I felt as if I couldn't talk with anyone who would fully understand Richard's "life crisis", so I poured myself into our children and talked quite a bit to God ("What's happened to the man I married, God?!?!" LOL!!). :)   Antonin was such a happy-go-lucky, laughy baby, and Caleb loved to make him giggle. The most difficult days were brightened by laughter in our house.

       I was a very blessed woman- even during the "year of the bomb shells" [lol!!], and while I wondered what the future held, God had it all under control.   :)

~Home Sweet Home, Part 2~

     Life was sweet and good ... in our little home in Rogersville.   :)  :)  :)

    Once our house was arranged and cleaned to my satisfaction, I began to feel lonely.
What was I to do while Richard was sleeping or working? I was still getting to know people in Missouri and didn't want to visit my sisters in laws every day!  :)
As mentioned earlier, Richard worked evenings/nights at the Post Office, so I did not want a "typical" full-time day job. We wouldn't see each other often! I needed a part-time job that did not require me to work 5 weekdays.
     After some searching, I discovered a nanny/babysitting agency that was hiring babysitters.
 I babysat for various families when the need arose (mostly weekends). Now and then the director of the agency would call me in a panic!
One of those last minute desperate calls was for someone to watch six children. I was scared to death, but said yes.  It was the hardest babysitting job ever, because the (oldest) ten year old daughter had a "know-it-all" attitude and did not follow instructions well. I was more comfortable working with toddlers and preschool aged children!  When the parents returned home six or seven hours later, I was extremely exhausted!!!
    Eventually, two separate families asked me to be their "regular" sitter; one day per week for each family. I was able to turn down last-minute panicked agency phone calls, and stick with my pleasant routine caring for  toddler girls- two days a week!!!   :)  I loved my jobs!! Both families were like extended family.
   A year and a half later, one family re-located and no longer needed me. Around the same time, I found out  that I was expecting my first baby!  Around 5 or 6 months pregnant I stopped babysitting altogether; it was time for me to prepare and care for my own children!
    Quick funny story:  
Richard was off work and stirring homemade goodies for Christmas, thick in the process of making fudge- when I excitedly ran into the kitchen with the news that I was expecting. We were both happy and anticipated sharing the news with others, but since the fudge was a total flop, have joked that Richard was a nervous wreck.  haha~   :)

    Our first baby- Caleb- was born August 11th, 1999, and we were nicely surprised  to see that he was a blondie!! Since Richard & I both had dark hair, people would often take a second look and comment on our blond little boy.  We were thrilled to have a blondie, and my heart often melted when I looked into his clear blue eyes ....  :)
     Time spent with Caleb was precious, and with each passing day I learned more about Motherhood and balancing life with baby. No, I did not have everything figured out after having been an early childhood educator, a nanny, and babysitter ... :)
    Now, Caleb & I would tip-toe out of the bedroom(s) each morning, waking Richard from his slumber late morning or early afternoon. Waking daddy remained the highlight of the day as Caleb grew older ~

Life was sweet and good .... in our little home in Rogersville!!!    :)  :)